You are pregnant. All day you have been working or toddler wrangling or driving your kids around from one activity to the next. You have had well meaning strangers giving you their opinions on the gender and size of your baby. Oh and if you are lucky enough, those strangers have been giving your belly a pat, because your pregnant body is public property right?

And then your partner walks in the door and says, “hello.”

The hide of him!

How could he? It’s his fault you are in this position. Has he been growing a whole other person all day? I bet he was sleeping last night while you lay awake for hours trying to arrange those 10 pillows around you to find a comfortable sleeping position. And all he has to say is “hello.” The hide of him!

I hadn’t actually thought too much about the brunt that my partner bears while I am pregnant until this week. I was interviewed by Glenn Stolzenhein for 2NM Hunter Valley about this very topic. Stolzy’s wife is pregnant with baby number two and he was after some insider tips on what not to say to a pregnant woman.

Short fuses and all the hormones

As I am currently going through my second pregnancy, I am finding it much harder to respond to my husband like a normal, sane person. You see, the first time around I had the benefit of 29 years of blissfully uninterrupted sleep to get me through. This time, I am operating on 2.5 years of broken sleep. My baby brain kicked into high gear the moment I fell pregnant as well as all those wonderful pregnancy symptoms hit so much earlier the second time around. Yay…

And so he cops it. My fuse is shorter and finding the words to express how I feel is a whole lot harder. I’m exhausted, utterly and completely. My hormones haven’t just taken over my body, but also my mind. I don’t mean to say what I do but the words come pouring out of my mouth before I even have a chance to apply that rationality filter I seem to have lost to pregnancy. And so he stands in front of me, dazed and confused, wondering what he said or did.

The man’s perspective

I asked hubby for his thoughts on this topic and, being the wise man he his, he answered with “no comment”. Perhaps that gives you enough indication into his current level of feeling able to speak his mind around his pregnant wife. Or maybe he just doesn’t want the women of Australia on his back about that thing he said on his wife’s blog!

So, what is it that you say, or don’t say, to a pregnant woman if you are her partner? You may have already discovered that even the smallest, most well meaning comment can be met with animosity and tears. Like “hello” or “do I have any clean undies to wear to work today?” And while it is a safe bet that anything you say may be used against you in a court of pregnancy, it’s not all bad. In a few short (or for her, agonisingly long) months, you will have a precious baby to call your own. That’s where the real fun begins!

As long as you never, ever, question the number of naps she is taking in a week, or bowls of ice cream she is eating, I’m sure your relationship will survive.

Ladies, tell me, what should your partner never to say to you while you are pregnant? And partners, the brave ones whose wife doesn’t write this blog, what advice would you give?

 

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