Have you ever felt like this parenting gig is just a series of (repetitive) games or challenges? Much like the Olympics but without the medals or honour or pride of the nation behind you. If there was a parenting Olympics these are the events we would be competing in…

The Diving -into-the-Depths-Newborn Hustle

This is the ultimate task for new competitors in the parenting Olympics. Diving from the highest board, competitors are blind folded, with their hands tied and given mixed information about what awaits them at the bottom. Truly terrifying, there is no turning back from this entry level sport.

The 50m Lego Dash

Competitors must run barefoot along a track littered with Lego. Light feet are required to avoid the pinch of the tiny plastic pieces. Points will be deducted for any swear words heard from the field. This is one of the most dangerous of the parent sports and only for the fearless and brave amongst us.

The Quiet-as-a-Mouse Room Exit

The baby is finally sleeping but any sudden movements or noise are sure to wake them up. Precision along with an ability to hold ones breath are essential requirements. Potential race day hurdles include squeaky door hinges and loose floor boards.

The Parent-to-Parent Handball

In this team event, one parent must pass their baby or toddler to the other parent with zero disruption. This field for this game is most often the front door or bathroom of the family home. Points are deducted for cries of “no, mummy/daddy” or ripped clothes caused by a toddlers iron grip.

The Carry-Me-Please Weight Lift

While carrying bags of potatoes and rice, competitors will also need to balance a toddler, who is perfectly capable of walking, on their hip. All bags and children must remain in the parents arms at all time. Competitors should toughen themselves against hip slip, dead weight and strap burn.

The No-One-Backs-Down Rally

Heads turn from side to side as this rally between parent and child hits fever pitch. The child wants what they want and they parent is tasked with stopping them at all costs. Much like a game of tennis the parent must use tactical manoeuvres to keep the ball in the air.

What other events would you add to the parenting olympics?


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