I can see the finish line approaching. Delivery day is near and I am soon to be a mum of two. And while I got to a point in my first pregnancy that I felt “ready” for baby to arrive, I’m just not sure that I will get there for my second pregnancy.
There are some days where I feel like I just want baby to arrive now. I can’t wait to meet the little person who has been wriggling around inside me for the past 35 weeks. What will they look like? How will their personality develop? Will my Little Miss love being a big sister as much as I think she will? Will the baby be a boy or a girl?! So many questions that I can’t wait to answer.
But then there are other days, most days in fact, where I feel like I need another six months before I will even be remotely ready for the whirlwind that is about to hit us. Having a baby changes everything, I already know that, but what is having a baby and a toddler going to be like? Will I ever not feel tired again? Will I have as much time for this baby as I had for my first born? How will I cope with my already full plate AND a second baby?
I remember the feeling straight after my daughter was born of wanting to do it all over again. Call me crazy, but I loved the experience of childbirth. That rush of adrenaline and pure love I got when she was placed in my arms was so powerful. I had felt empowered through my labour and the pain was all but a distant memory. But the feeling of wanting to do it all over again was balanced with the thought that I could never possibly love another person as much as I loved the baby I was holding in my arms. How could I? She was perfection and my heart was bursting at the seams with love and happiness. Surely you can’t feel that way about two people?
And I know this is a common reaction first time mothers have. I have been assured that my heart will grow even further to accommodate my new little person with just as much love and happiness. I can already feel it happening.
But right now, in this moment as I prepare to welcome this baby into our lives, I can’t help but feel guilty for the change that is about to befall my first born. As a busy business owner, I am frantically writing and creating to allow myself a maternity leave when baby arrives. The mother in me wants to spend as much time as possible with my girl before she becomes a sister, no longer an only child with all attention directed to her. I want to enjoy these last few weeks as a family of three, if only I wasn’t so tired!
In some respects, preparing for our second baby is easier. The nursery is setup, the bassinet ready in our room and we know so many things that we didn’t the first time around. How to dress a baby or change a nappy for instance! But I don’t know if I will ever feel prepared in the same way that I did with my daughter. As much as I rush around over the next few weeks, trying in vain to “get ready”, the reality is that baby will come when baby comes and life will only be more joyful for it.
So tell me, can you ever be prepared for the arrival of your second baby? What tips do you have to help me?
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